Famous Wise Sayings (Mommy Style)

I have great and utter respect for Benjamin Franklin, Albert Eisenstein, and Thomas Jefferson. The guys who wrote the Chinese proverbs and whoever thinks up the sayings on fortune cookie papers aren’t bad either. Some people just say some smart stuff. Ya know?

But today I’d like to keep things real. What if the famous wise sayings of old were written by a mommy who was still wearing her bath robe and slippers and was able to just say it like it is. I’m talking about Mommy Wisdom. Smart little nuggets for REAL, daily life.

This thought struck me as I cleaned up a spill on my kitchen table and floor for the third, yes third, time in one day. Thus leading me to my first Mommy wise saying amendment…

Don’t cry over spilled milk.

AMENDMENT: Don’t sob over spilled milk. Deep breaths and/or moderate sighing is encouraged. If more than one spill has occurred in a given day then deep frustration with an occasional sniffle is completely acceptable.

Early to bed and early to rise makes a man happy, healthy, and wise.

AMENDMENT: In bed for the majority of the night and not rising until absolutely necessary is pretty good.

A penny saved is a penny earned.

AMENDMENT: A penny spent to entertain your toddler on the mechanical horsey at the local grocery store is a penny well spent.

If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.

AMENDMENT: If at first you do succeed in getting your child to promptly obey you in public while wearing a smile and without complaint, then you’d better hope somebody else saw it.

It’s always darkest right before dawn.

AMENDMENT: It’s always loudest right before bedtime.

As you make your bed, so you must lie in it.

AMENDMENT: If you make your bed, that’s awesome.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

AMENDMENT: Kuddos to you if you’ve ventured to the store by yourself with multiple kids in tow.

Too many cooks spoil the broth.

AMENDMENT: Help in the kitchen is always welcome.

Many hands make light work.

AMENDMENT: Many little hands make many little hand prints on glass doors, windows, mirrors and walls.

The early bird gets the worm.

AMENDMENT: The son who finds the worm scares his mother with it.

People who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.

AMENDMENT: People who live in glass houses shouldn’t have children. It would be impossible to keep up with all of those hand prints.

You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink.

AMENDMENT: You can lead a toddler to cooked cauliflower. You can even strongly encourage them to eat some… and if they do, count that as a win.

Where there’s a will, there’s a way.

AMENDMENT: Where’s there is a long period of silence coming from the room where the children are playing, there’s a problem.

When the cat’s away, the mice will play!

AMENDMENT: But when the cat gets home, believe me, you don’t want Mom to tell him what you did or else you’re in BIG trouble.

A rolling stone gathers no moss.

AMENDMENT: A rolling ball in the house gather’s Mom’s disapproval.

Rome wasn’t built in a day.

AMENDMENT: The tower of blocks built by your toddler was stacked in less than 30 seconds, but it’s toppling is heartbreaking and warrants many tears nonetheless.

A stitch in time saves nine.

AMENDMENT: Tying your child’s shoelace in a double-knot the first time will save you having to re-tie it every nine minutes.

A watched pot never boils. 

AMENDMENT: An unwatched tot will draw all over themselves with a marker.

Where there is smoke there’s fire.

AMENDMENT: Where’s there’s no public changing table, there’s a diaper blowout.

Don’t count your chickens before they’re hatched.

AMENDMENT: Do count your children before you leave the house without one.

Necessity is the mother of all invention.

AMENDMENT: Mothers are of great necessity!